He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
