Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
