I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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