i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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