And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
