And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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