she was so not down for the gang bang
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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