I accidentally had phone sex last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
