I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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