It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
false alarm, still single
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
