apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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