Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want to make out with him forever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
