Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't deserve a penis
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
