new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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