i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
