my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
