if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
