Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
