Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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