you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
