Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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