It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
