he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize