I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
