Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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