i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
