The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
