woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
