Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
