when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just gift wrapped bread.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
