I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize