why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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