Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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