porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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