singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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