i don't like sucking hair
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
