We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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