so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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