This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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