I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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