Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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