i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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