Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
