I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
