kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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