If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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