dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
