The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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