capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
