he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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