i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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