i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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