It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
