I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
