my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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