corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
