She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
