so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
