I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize