I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
