I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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