I met the friendliest cop last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize