you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
