i would punch a child for taco bell
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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