We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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