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• (214): View more from Texas

  I got "discovered a new religion high" last night

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• (518): View more from New York

  i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.

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• (518): View more from New York

  i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..

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• (693): View more from

  if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel really sorry for my toilet right now

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