The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
