We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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