you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
