So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
