What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
