You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
