which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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