my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
