Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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