i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
