Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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