Are we in a gay sports bar?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
