Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
