you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
