I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
