She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
