you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize