I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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