Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
