Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
