I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
