Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
