worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just puked most of my soul out..
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