so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
