you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
