You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
