Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
