I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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