fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
