We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
